thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
