I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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