Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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