i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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