I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.