guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.