Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress