is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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