He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense