Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pants 0. Shit 1.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.