Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!