Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me