Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen