It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.