I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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