Yo dont text me then not text me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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