When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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