So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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