so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
