so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
