Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ugly people sure do ruin things
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Randomize
