i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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