One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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