I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
