It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize