He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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