Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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