Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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