I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
worst night to have a conscience
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
