The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize