you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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