talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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