And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
