i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
