I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize