I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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