A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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