Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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