My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
