You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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