I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
