mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
