So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
