I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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