Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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