So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
