I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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