i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
