i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize