I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
