doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
