Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
