Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.