Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.