Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.