I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.