Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.