I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
