Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.