I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.