ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.