My sheets look like a crime scene.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
