Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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